This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
