how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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