Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Green mimosas i think yes
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
