Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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