idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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