he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
