Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
