Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just cut my nipple shaving
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
