so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
