that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
