ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
