no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
