I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
