how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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