I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
