We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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