Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
