Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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