Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize