i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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