The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You are a genius and a whore.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
