you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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