shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
