i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
