why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
