nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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