oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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