you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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