hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
