my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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