Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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