yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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