put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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