Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
