watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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