We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
