You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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