You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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