RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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