If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
don't judge my taste in strippers
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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