The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
