Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
