dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
