Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize