Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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