this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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