he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
