you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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