im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
