I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
