Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
