Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize