Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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