Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
