So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
