Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
barbara walters just said penis...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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