Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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