I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
