Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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