i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
