is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
