I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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