this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
