He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize