New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
