i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize