If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
