i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
