Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize