you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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