I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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