How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
