I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
