yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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