before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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