I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Let's paint friendship bongs
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
