please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I am one with the molecules
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
