Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
