I am puke
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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