When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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