It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize