You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just gargled with NyQuil
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
