im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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