wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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