Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
