drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
