All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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