He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She bit a glass in half.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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