I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
