I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize