Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
