Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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