wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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