And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
