dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
