bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
