yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
