Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
