remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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