guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
