just come out here and I will go home with you...
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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