Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My dick has a subreddit
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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