Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
