if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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