So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
