I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize