My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
