she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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