so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
