hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize