I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just high enough for therapy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
