i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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